Baconator Vs. Club Chalupa ::: FIGHT!

What on this Earth is more heavily marketed than food? Nothing. And while the UN prattles on about a worldwide food crisis, with millions of people worldwide scratching their way through life with little more than a handful of rice per day, I thought it would be a trip to shine a spotlight on American pop culture as food. Or food as pop culture. Either way, I'm nominating myself the Official Popanalia Food Critic. Really, I'm doing you a service because I' going to be subjecting myself to ruinous levels of transfats and cholesterol.

For this first installment we have two fast food items facing off bacon y bacon. Bacon is without a doubt the most American of all foods. It's terrible for you, has no nutritional value, isn't filling on its own, comes from an animal that is raised on environmentally disastrous factory farms, and it's DELICIOUS. That's why we try to put it on everything: Pizza, burgers, omelettes, and now even tacos. Which brings us to our contenders. The pair will be judged head-to-head in five categories: Name, Chain Tie-In, Flavor, Digestability, Ambiance.

Taco Bell Club Chalupa vs. Wendy's Triple Baconator

Round One: Name, Winner: Wendy's
Club Chalupa sounds like a derogatory nickname for the country club groundskeeper. This taco also tastes nothing like a club sandwich so the name is misleading. It's an insult to the timeless elegance of the club sandwich. The Triple Baconator, on the other hand, knows its place. It is a novelty food intended to lure in a few nonregular customers, but ultimately unfit for a permanent place on the menu. It's also really fun to order. The addition of the suffix 'ator' implies that this sandwich will actually turn you into a piece of bacon... very cool.

Round Two: Chain Tie-In, Winner: Taco Bell
Aside from the Frosty, and square shaped meat, Wendy's doesn't have a real definitive brand. Who goes to Wendy's? Well, no one in particular other than people who like to order baked potatoes from a fast food restaurant. They're the bottom feeder of the big burger chains, sucking up whatever consumers don't get engulfed by McDonald's or Burger King. Honestly, the Baconator sounds like something The King would be peddling, not a girl with pigtails. Dave Thomas never would have pandered so. The Club Chalupa fits right in with the regular line-up of Taco Bell belly busters. They are the Rennaisance Masters of cheese sauce and tortillas, constantly repackaging the same flavors in refreshingly disgusting ways.

Round Three: Flavor, Winner: Wendy's
Like I just said, everything at Taco Bell tastes approximately identical. The only difference here is the addition of chopped up fake bacon AKA fakon. The artificial smokiness of the fakon combined with the deep fried chalupa made me think of eating a taco filled with ingredients picked from a dumpster ... and looked the same. The Baconator wasn't too bad. The three burger patties gave a nice meaty flavor, the lettuce and tomato were fresh and the bacon was good enough that I picked off the remaining strips even when I was too stuffed to finish the burger. One of the better fast food burgers I've ever eaten. Although I was a little disappointed... the name implied there would be too much bacon for a human to handle. I handled it pretty easily.

Round Four: Digestability, Winner: Wendy's
My stomach was churning about halfway through the Chalupa, which I couldn't finish. Not because my stomach was full... it just surrendered.

Round Five: Ambiance, Winner: Wendy's
This category is sort of open-ended. Like the Artistic scores for a figure skating competition, it's all about the judge's personal opinion of the whole experience. Sitting in Taco Bell I was reminded of summer vacation during high school. It looked basically like every other Bell in the country. The same wacky, jagged fonts with overly tight letter spacing. The same ExXxXxXtreme Mountain Dew promotions. The same tired, SoCal teal and hot pink color scheme. The same schlocky pop radio. They couldn't play it more safe.

Wendy's had a surprise in store. The place was ever so slightly run down, because it's older. The ever-present school bus yellow is obnoxious and unappetizing, true. But the music! They were piping in a pretty decent playlist of '80s New Wave. I'm not sure if this was a conscience choice, or they've just been too cheap to update their radio station in the last 20 years. Whatever, I was pleased.

Final Judgment: Wendy's
In this ultimate battle of the bacon Wendy's clearly came out on top. I feel like Taco Bell merely used their fakon as a hollow gimmick to lure in the nation's pork addicted masses. Wendy's skillfully crafted a meaty duet to produce a genuinely filling bacon-burger while pushing their cool cred even further with some risky music choices.

Depeche Mode + Bacon = Mmm.

Summer concerts

I would really like to go to a music festival this summer because I've never been to a music festival.

So there's Rothbury here in Michigan which has a decent lineup. I would love to see Modest Mouse, The Drive By Truckers and the Black Keys, but I don't want to put up with Dave Matthews and John Mayer, especially for $250, which is ridiculous.

Then there's Lollapallooza which would be sweet. I've seen Radiohead once before and they are my favorite band ever. Also there will be Explosions in the Sky and Battles which are both awesome post-rock bands, but it's also $200, and screw that. Radiohead is coming to Toronto and Cleveland, so maybe I'll go to one of those shows.

Then there's the Sasquatch festival in Washington state. It's an awesome lineup with REM, The Flamiong Lips, Beirut, Say Hi, The New Pornographers, Modest Mouse, The Cure, M.I.A., Built to Spill, The National, Battles, Destroyer, Dengue Fever, Stephen Malkmus, The Hives, The Kooks, Ozomatli, Rogue Wave, and more. But it's $200 and it's in Washington.

Then there's Bonnaroo with Pearl Jam, Ben Folds, The Raconteurs, B.B. King, Sigur Ros, etc.. But again it's $200 and far away in Tennessee, and I can't help but think that it will be infested with hippies (I hate hippies).

Oh, then there's Wheatland, which will definitely be full of hippies (I hate hippies).

So I'm thinking I'm going to try to go to Pitchfork, it's only like $65 and there's a lot of good bands:

Friday, July 18:

Pitchfork Music Festival and All Tomorrow's Parties present "Don't Look Back"

Public Enemy performing It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back

* Sebadoh * performing Bubble and Scrape

Mission of Burma performing Vs.

Saturday, July 19:
Animal Collective
Jarvis Cocker
* The Hold Steady *
!!!
Vampire Weekend
Dizzee Rascal
Fleet Foxes
* Caribou *
Jay Reatard
* Titus Andronicus *
No Age
Atlas Sound
Extra Golden
Fuck Buttons
* Elf Power *
The Ruby Suns
* Icy Demons *
A Hawk and a Hacksaw
* Boban i Marko Markovic Orkestar *

Sunday, July 20:
Spoon
Dinosaur Jr.
Spiritualized
M. Ward
Ghostface and Raekwon
Les Savy Fav
The Apples in Stereo
Boris
Dirty Projectors
* Times New Viking *
Cut Copy
* Bon Iver *
Dodos
Occidental Brothers Dance Band International
King Khan & His Shrines
El Guincho
* HEALTH *
* High Places *
* Mahjongg *

So anybody going to any of these? Anybody want to go to Pitchfork with me?

Dengue Fever

So this is pretty sweet: Dengue Fever

I wasn't aware of this band until a couple of days ago when their new album came out. I found the descriptive sticker quite interesting and gave it a listen, and enjoyed it immensely.

The band has a sound that I especially like. They use a Farfisa organ and play their guitars with a lot reverb and tremolo that is reminiscent of 60's surf bands (which I love).

I've been noticing a trend in indie/alternative music towards reverby guitar sounds (Beach House, Band of Horses, etc...), but it's rare to for a contemporary band to go so surfy.

An ideal set up for this sound is a vintage tube amp with spring reverb and a fender single-coil guitar like the jaguar, mustang or jazzmaster. That's why I bought my guitar (a jaguar baritone custom, which makes it even cooler than a regular jaguar):



I also have a silvertone 1484 tube amp from the 60's that is renowned for its spring reverb. Unfortunately it needs some repairs, and I don't have a speaker cabinet to go with it. But when I get that fixed it's going to sound amazing. Especially when I split the signal and use my bass amp to accentuate the bass frequencies, while using the silvertone for mids and treble.

Then all I'll have to do is learn to play before the trend gets old, and I'll be famous.

My day

Today has been a real winner...

Usually Wednesdays are nice because I usually only have to work from 1-6, but today was special. I knew coming in that it would be a longer day because I was scheduled to shoot a video at 5, which takes about an hour, then edit and publish the video, and finish up the usual work, so I expected to get out around 9 and have time to go home and make dinner, and maybe have time to read a book or something. Then this happened - Truck Fire


And now I smell like burnt garbage.

And still had to go do this - Big Brother Auditions

Which brings me to my point: What the hell is wrong with these people?

I can empathize with the desire to be famous and everything, but reality tv? Do they really think this is how they're going to make it huge? Starring on Big Brother 10?

How many Big Brother 'stars' can you name from the first 9 seasons? They've all really taken off haven't they. And everyone else that's ever been on a reality show is really huge now too.

Why not try developing a skill? Maybe you can earn some respect and admiration for your talent, insight and worth as a decent human being.

Or you can become a famous idiot-douchebag that's famous for being an idiot-douchebag.

Movie idea

This isn't especially well developed in my mind just yet, but here's the gist:

It's a series of short episodes. Each episode is a modern retelling of familiar stories from the bible. Specifically the stories that put women in a bad light, i.e. Delilah, Eve, Mary Magdalene, the Queen of Sheeba, Salome, etc...

And here's the twist: Each story puts the female character's motives and actions in a more positive light, and all the settings are contemporary (places and problems).

I got the idea from Regina Spektor's song 'Samson' which I like a lot for some reason.

I haven't worked out any details of any of these stories just yet so suggestions might be helpful. However I do have a title: 'An Exultation of Doves' (that's what you call a group of doves by the way, like a gaggle of geese, and the imagery is self explanatory... pretty clever I know)

Feminists will probably go for it, and if it's cast with lots of really good looking women it could have some mass appeal.

Sundance film festival

Well, I had intended to post a blog or two about my trip to the Sundance Film Festival while I was there. Unfortunately my parents don't have internet access in their condo, so that was out. Then when I got back home my internet went out for a week, so no blogging could be done. But in the month and a half since then I've just been really lazy.

So since I'm at work, and I'm bored, here's a blog. (I saw a lot of movies, but will talk about those later maybe)

I've been to Park City a few times for skiing, and visiting my parents who have a second home there, but I had never been during the festival. Park City is a tiny town compared to modern mid-west metropolises. It is segregated into two parts that sort of twist around the mountains. The main downtown area is like every other ski-resort type town, basically a main street with trinket and souvenir shops (actually Park City has a much higher density of bars and night clubs on Main Street than any other ski town i've been to) and some auxillary side streets with crappy little houses.

With the festival in town, the streets and parking lots overflow with way too many people. It is exactly like that episode of South Park when Robert Redford moves the festival to South Park and incurs the wrath of Mr. Hankey.

I decided to volunteer for the festival in order to get some free stuff, including movie passes for every 4 hour shift that I worked. The whole experience was a blast and I can't wait to do it again next year.

The following is a brief list of some of my experiences.

On the first day I was there, I saw a movie in the morning and had some time to kill before my volunteer shift. So I took the bus down to main street so I could walk around and maybe see some celebrities. And as I was riding the bus I was thinking about what celebrities I might see and how I might react to them. I thought to myself "If I see Jared Leto I'm going to kick him in the nuts." Not ten minutes later, as I stood on the corner smoking a cigarette, who should come walking down the opposite sidewalk but Jared Leto. I decided not to run across the street and kick him because I didn't want to go to jail on my first day.

On another day after lingering around Main Street, I went to the bus stop to go to my shift and noticed an incredibly good looking young woman waiting for a bus. So I decided to get on that bus too. We made eye contact, she smiled, I struck up a little generic, touristy conversation. It turns out she has a sexy english accent, her parents are both Saudi Arabian (which explains the raven hair, big brown eyes, and sweet chocalate complexion), she's a professional ski instructor, and she's going to see a specific movie later. What a coincidence that I was going to that same movie! (Of course I hadn't actually had any intention to see that movie because it looked really stupid. I was actually planning to go see Patti Smith play in an intimate venue for festival volunteers only.) So, I go to the movie, I "accidentally" run into Sophie (she had a french name too) and her british friend, I sit down in the row in front of them so not to be too creepy, and start up another little conversation as we waited for the movie to start. It's going ok, I found out a little more about Sophie, like that she's mad at her overbearing boyfriend for being a jerk about her going to see so many movies without him, when all of a sudden who should sit down right behind her but Quentin Tarantino. Needless to say, I was quickly phased out of the conversation. Then the movie started. and long story short, I spent the rest o f the week alone.

On the last night of the festival I was waiting in line for a movie when someone bumped into me. It was Maria Bello, it was pretty sweet.

While walking down Main Street I "accidentally" bumped into Ian Zeiring(sp), or perhaps better known as Steve from Beverly Hills 90210.

Other celebrities I saw:
Woody Harrelson, Alan Alda, Sarah Jessica Parker, Virginia and Michael Madsen, Dennis Hopper, Ben Kingsley, Matthew Broderick, Ray Romano, one of the guys from Nip/Tuck, David Wain from The State, Leonor Varela, Sandra Oh, and others who I can't at the moment remember.

Good times.

Media Musings with Jake Davison

http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0308/9245.html

I can't believe this article missed the most important, insightful, activism inspiring protest song of the intra-Vietnam/Iraq era. I am talking, of course, about "Panama" from Van Halen's "1984" (George Orwell tribute) album. Van Halen was proved right during operation Just Cause in 1989 when Miguel Noriega was overthrown. Like many Hollywood liberal elitists, David Lee Roth was opposed to Reagan's support of the Contra's in Nicaragua.

Roth's deep and sober study of if international affairs led him to believe that the nation of Panama would be the next target of American Imperialism. In order to garner cross over appeal, Roth used various metaphors that came across as merely crass double entendres. Roth's imagery of cars ("power steerin', pistons poppin', ain't no stoppin now!") clearly represents the American War machine while "model citizen, zero discipline" was often said to be the perfect description of Reagan's popularity with the unwashed masses despite the Gipper's reckless, Soviet-challenging foreign policy.

This followed the general theme of the 1984 album, which criticized Reagan's "Jump" into the "House of Pain" that was Sandinista controlled Nicaragua, all the while underfunding priorities such as education ("Hot For Teacher") and the growing influence of James Baker ("Top Jimmy"). *Editor's Note: This posting is exactly as plausible as the idea that the Iraq protest songs are failing to sell do to anything other than the fact that the market for American popular music is flooded with tunes people ACTUALLY WANT TO LISTEN TOO.