What the hell happened to Dana Carvey?

So, I guess it's pretty much an unstated fact that Dana Carvey's post-SNL career has been abysmal. "Master of Disguise" should not be the high point of anyone's career.

I've seen some Web ads for his new stand-up special and boy, does he look C-R-E-E-P-Y-! Dude has had some work done. Last I saw him he looked an appropriate 50ish. Now he looks like he'd be working as Joan Rivers' poolboy. Check it out:


Face lift? Check.
Eye Lift? Check.
Botox? Check.

I think he's even wearing a wig. It's terrible. I used to like this guy.

In the Carvey vs. Myers dual Carvey has been a did-not-finish. It takes real talent at sucking to make Mike Myers' stint as "The Love Guru" look like comic gold ... but Carvey seems to have done it. The preview for his stand-up looks desperate. And the name, "Squatting Monkeys Tell No Lies?" Cringe worthy.

Agent: OK, Dana, now all we need is a title. What do you want to call your new stand-up special?

Carvey: (Adjusting his wig) Uh, let's see. Something about a monkey. A monkey line is always a sure laugh. Like, "When Mokeys Fly Out of My Butt!" That's good right?

Agent: No, Dana. Mike Myers already has the copyright on that line.

Carvey: OK then, let's mix it up. How about something that sounds like a fortune cookie. Like broken English sounding. People still laugh at foreigners, right? Maybe something mysterious, like, "Squatting Monkeys Tell No Lies." And then I'll be dressed like a monkey. And I'll squat down and, like, take a poop and say the F-word a lot.

Someone needs to tell this guy it's OK to stop trying.

Project awesome

Some music while you read perhaps? Just hit play and come on back. (I love this song)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mSasf8GBfV4

One of my many delusions of grandeur is the desire to be a rock-star. Since I was a very small child I've loved music and desired to create it. I learned to play saxophone in junior high, then picked up the guitar just before high school. My skills never really developed. Check that off to a complete lack of natural talent and minimal at best effort to learn (after all it's impossible to fail if you never really try).

But recently I've had a strong desire to actually try and do it. Some friends of mine formed a cover band about two years ago. We managed to get together 4 or 5 times and learned 4 or 5 songs, but we all were mediocre at best and nothing was ever going to happen except maybe playing in front of a few friends every once in awhile. We never officially gave up, but haven't got together in months and months.

In the time since I've been going to lots of shows , and I know a few people who are actually doing it (writing and playing and performing), and I really admire their effort. Gets my daydreams really going.

So I decided to give it a go. And I don't realistically expect to ever actually be good, it takes more time than I have, and making an effort is a real effort for me. Yet I've come up with some decent starts to what may be songs, and I've gathered some decent equipment, including a bad-ass guitar and all of this stuff:



In that picture you can see my KAOSS pad. I can do this, and other, stuff with it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmBO6Zg6Kdg

I also plan to be a sort of one-man show (since my drummer is moving to Seattle, Baldwin). That's why I bought one of these:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ciKgH5z1Dc&feature=related

It's fun to play with toys and those two things are seriously addictive.

Another major part of my planning stage is the redesign of my other inexpensive less cool guitars. The first one that I will complete is a cheap chinese Fender Squier Telecaster that I'm personally modifying to be exactly like the guitar Johnny Greenwood plays in Radiohead (my favorite band). The only step remaining is to solder the electronics, which I almost definitely will screw up (I've done a pretty sloppy job of everything else so far:





The other one is actually my very first guitar. The neck broke a long time ago, and I thought I'd take that opportunity to supe it up with some cool stuff. Obviously a long way to go on this one:



So keep an eye out for me playing some where sometime in the future. I'm aiming for next summer as a reasonable goal to be gig ready. I'll keep you posted...

P.S. Stay tuned for more delusions...